


I Was Wrong

by GhostGarrison



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Consent, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostGarrison/pseuds/GhostGarrison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is willing to wait for Sam to be ready to go further in their relationship--and if that time never comes, so be it. He'll be okay. But even then, Sam doesn't seem to understand his willingness to wait and pushes himself too hard, too early, too fast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Was Wrong

The night started out so peaceful—Castiel reading alone on the bed of his designated bedroom of the bunker and the brothers elsewhere, doing whatever it is that they do when not out hunting supernatural creatures. Castiel hasn’t had a lot off ‘off-time’ as Dean puts it, but tonight is one of those treasured nights where he can do whatever he pleases.

And apparently, Sam is just that.

Sam entered his room only maybe twenty minutes before, focused on pursuing a goodnight kiss as per the habitual routine they have established over the past few months of being together. It’s been a slow progression—according to Dean, ‘way too fucking long’—but Castiel doesn’t mind.

He knows that Sam has been put through too many things in his lifetime—unspeakable things, unimaginable things. He can see the evidence of all the pain in Sam’s soul, which still shines bright.

But instead of just a kiss on the lips as is routine, Sam dived in for more, sitting on the edge of the mattress and grasping hold onto Castiel’s shoulders, seeking to steal the now-necessary breath from Castiel’s lungs.

Now they’re kissing deeply, bodies pressed together from head to toe with less layers of clothing than they started with. Castiel’s body responds accordingly, hips rolling and seeking more friction without much say from his brain. And through the cotton of their boxers, he can feel the hard line of Sam moving against him as well.

In the previous attempts, Sam has always shied away from this sort of contact. Castiel has always respected his love’s boundaries and never pursued anything more, anything past the point of Sam’s comfort zone.

But tonight is different, somehow—Sam came to him, initiated it by himself, and touches him with the resolution of seemingly a new man, a different Sam. Perhaps a past Sam.

Castiel has little experience with sexual pleasures with a partner, but he knows enough from what he’s seen, from what he’s observed to at least know the general direction of where this kind of situation leads to.

Sam’s hands have been exploring the surface of his skin, dragging fingertips across every dip and rise of his chest. Castiel’s own hands have settled somewhere around Sam’s hips, not doing much more than rubbing the soft, heated skin that covers the sharp jut of his hipbones and below his bellybutton.

"Cas, do you want me?"

Those are words Castiel thought he’d never hear, at least not in this context.

"Yes, more than anything."

Things heat up quickly after that and Castiel can feel himself wind up tight, his body seeking out friction against Sam’s. He rolls them over to where he hovers over the other man, grinding down against him. Sam presses his hips up, not bucking or rubbing but rather giving him better access.

"Are you sure?" Castiel asks quietly, requesting one last confirmation from the man that occupies the space beneath him, panting for breath.

It takes a moment for Sam to answer, and Castiel almost stands up from the bed during the poignant pause, but his answer comes in the smallest of voices. “I’m sure.”

There’s a certain note in Sam’s voice that makes Castiel pause for a second before continuing on slowly, moving his hands down Sam’s chest slowly and torturously. He watches Sam’s face closely, paying attention to his entire body as his fingers dip below the waistband of his boxers. He takes Sam, mostly soft, into his grip and rubs his palm up his length, urging it to hardness.

Castiel’s dick grows harder as he relishes the velvety weight of Sam in his hand, between his fingers, still jacking his lover to full hardness. But S am doesn’t look like he’s enjoying Castiel’s ministrations.

In fact, he looks _pained—eyes clenched shut and teeth gritted._  


Like a burning stove or a cold bucket of ice, Castiel whips his hands away, withdrawing from where they were touching and scooting across the bed to give the other man some space.

Sam’s eyes whip open, wide-eyed and slightly panicked before they turn to Castiel, a slightly confused look on his face. “… Cas?”

"I was wrong," Castiel says, sitting back against the headboard and folding his arms across his chest. "I don’t think I want this anymore."

Sam looks over at him with a sad attempt to hide the devastation on his face. “Really?”

"You’re not ready for this," Cas continues. "You don’t want it. Not like I do."

"I do—" Sam tries to insist.

"No, Sam. Please don’t lie to me, or to yourself."

Sam frowns but is silent, gaze dropping to the comforter that is balled up at the foot of the bed. Castiel takes his lack of words as agreement.

"I’m sorry," Sam says after a few moments, voice breaking on the third syllable. "I’m so sorry. I thought you’d be happy—"

"I’m not happy if you’re pushing yourself," Castiel replies, running his fingers down Sam’s arm—past his elbow, down his forearm, across his wrist and threads their fingers together. "I just want you to be happy. That is all."

Tears well up at the corner of Sam’s eyes. “Cas…” he says, just before the tears come rolling down his cheeks.

Castiel pulls Sam against his chest, cradling the larger man in his embrace and offering as much comfort and reassurance as he is able. After a few minutes, he can feel Sam settle against him, tense muscles relaxing and shaking soothing slowly but surely.

Tucking Sam’s head beneath his chin, Castiel frowns when he’s sure that the other man is unable to see him. He was ecstatic to hear that Sam wished to pursue a more sexual relationship, to ‘go all the way’ as Dean had put it more than a few times. But Sam was pushing himself, to make Castiel happy and not paying attention to what he wanted for himself. The man in his arms is so selfless, but Castiel knows that it is imperative that Sam remains comfortable with no additional tension outside of the state of the world of hunting.

He sighs quietly, pulling Sam in and hugging him a little tighter and letting his eyes slip closed, willing the lamp off with a tiny sliver of his power, not wanting to disturb Sam in such a state.

"Thank you," Sam says quietly over breakfast in the kitchen the next morning, "for not pushing me last night."

Castiel pulls the rim of the coffee mug away from his lips, casting a glance towards Sam, who looks considerably better than he was the night before. “I only wish for you to be happy and comfortable.”

"Thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an anon prompt.  
> Come join me on Tumblr @ GhostGarrison


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